Act like you have a Real Job

I took a not-so-long break from the art of acting, as I settled back into Canada. Acting in LA was more on the comedic side of things in more ways than one. It consisted of Friday night hosting at the Laugh Factory for South Floridian retired tourists wearing Hawaiian shirts and silver-grey ponytails as their "fancy" clothes to a swanky Hollywood comedy club. Oh yes, sitting ducks for teasing, usually because they sat in the front row, hoping to what? Become blinded by the stage lights? What were these people thinking? Sitting ducks, I say. Quack, Quack for Hollywood.

I had a swanky job at a Hollywood studio and used my lunches as a disguise for jaunting off daily to commercial and print auditions; a tedious adventure as I hoped to make it back to my office before forcing unsuspecting entrepreneurs to sign on the dotted line for whatever sordid deal we were conjuring up that day. It was a bit of a tedious endeavor...driving around in ridiculous Hollywood, auditioning and the other side of who I am, an uptight business woman? It doesn't make sense, does it?

Usually, my adventures would be for some silly AXE Body Spray commercial where I had to take a bite out of a fictitious chocolate man, a commercial which won a prize at Cannes, yet only paid their actors $1000 flat for the role. Those Robber Barons! After the audition, I'd frantically speed back to the studio as fast as I could, and role into my office in less than an hour. I had it down to an art, seriously. I knew every secret route in LA which would lead me to my destination sans traffic. I should write a book for LA visitors "How to Drive in LA like an Actress who Auditions on her Lunch Break."

Now I am back in Canadia, with a fantastic agent pushing me into great roles for "Supernatural" and "Smallville" on a regular basis. It has been very odd getting back into the swing of things. I thought I'd have some time to prepare mentally for these high-caliber roles and high-density auditioning. I'm seeing everyone I've ever wanted to be like in these tense waiting rooms. All are actors I've admired, hoped to audition against, and then I realized something; I AM one of those actors I wished to be for so long! Horrah! The time has come, so what is my problem?

Here is a taste:

At around 4pm, the night prior to my audition, my phone rings. I see the call display from my agent's assistant. I panic. I have an audition the next day around 6pm out at Northshore Studios in North Vancouver and I know that my whole night is now shot. Whatever plans I had are now cancelled or cut short (my boyfriend's favourite) and rehearsing for three hours happens to become my priority. Not that this is a bad thing, but it is the life of an actor. Its the constant battle between wanting these auditions so badly, and keeping a full time job to pay the bills. Which is more important? To me, my acting and TV writing is what I want to do for a living. It is what I trained for years at university for, twice, but I like the stability of an important job as a career woman in the business world, and that too is my reality.

However, receiving last minute phone calls for auditions causes unbelievable anxiety to the point where panic attack-induced worry causes lack of sleep, a dismal next day at my real job, and an audition you wish you had nailed better than you did. I am obsessed with rehearsing, though. I don't go to bed until I know that I can carry a decent audition through the terrible nerves I conjure up while sitting in the tension-you-can-cut-with-a-knife waiting room the next day.

I have refused to become a slave to just one career and I have a steady job that I actually enjoy to a certain extent. It is in the commercial industry where I network and conjure up creative ideas for commercials. I don't audition for commercials anymore, I produce them. How ironic.

One day, the clouds of anxiety will lift, and I will be left to wonder what all my stress was about when I was doing exactly what I wanted to do in the first place. Until the ultimate call of casts occurs, and I see my name lit up on the screen as a story editor, actor, writer or producer, I will not stop my pursuit. I may learn to relax, but I will not learn to rest until the satisfaction of accomplishment becomes better than just plane old satisfactory.